I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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