Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
