just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
