im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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