nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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