the day after is always just damage control
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
