That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
