Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
