Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
