Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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