to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
