I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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