woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
