so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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