u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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