found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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