bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
