Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
