Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
