Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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