I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
