guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
