i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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