It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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