i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
