she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
