No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So much rum. So many feels.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
