We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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