If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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