First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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