I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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