I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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