And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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