Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
