I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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