i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
