The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
