YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
