I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
