Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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