The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
