She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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