A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
