dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize