Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
home. puking in laundry basket.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
