sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
