dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
