she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
