And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
