Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
