She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
