He asked to "fluff my boner.."
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
