good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
