Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize