Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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