i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hippo gnu deer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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