just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
