you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
