Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
