hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
