why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
