i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
