Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize