The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
